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Suffice to say, a big part of having a career in theater (and film) are "contacts"; we had plenty of actresses of all "talent" levels (and I’ll leave the jokes to you) attendant at the theatre, hungry to get on stage, and always looking for those that might be able to help them get that next plum role. Enter Ed, who as I might have intimated earlier, was an established member of the theatre group and on relatively good terms with the directors (myself included) and used that access to his full advantage.

Now, a quick physical description of Ed: Blonde. Black eyebrows. Miami Vice unshaven. Penetrating but twinkling eyes. Whipcord lean. Muscled. Sinewy. 5'11". Mid-twenties. A ready smile served up with a side of dimples. Think of a young Sean Connery or Colin Farrell, with blond hair and you’ve got a good idea of what he looked like. One could see on a surface or physical level, why many of the actresses were attracted to him.

Of course, all appetizers and no main course doesn’t make for a satisfying meal. Let me fill out the picture about Ed a bit further as regards those unseen attributes normally called intelligence or common sense. As I think I have intimated earlier, Ed was not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Looks definitely were a big reason he didn’t starve to death. The recounting of Ed’s supernatural acts of density could fill volumes but we’ll stick with two examples. Just so you know, Ed was like Blanche DuBois in STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE; that is, he depended upon the kindness of strangers. His normal modus operandi was to find an unsuspecting mealticket, (remember the actresses?) who would feed him, clothe him, shelter him, and parade him around proudly until they were caught flatfooted by his tomcatting ways, whereupon Ed would be dumped and roundly reviled by said put-upon and heart-broken actress. (To forestall the inevitable "DIDN’T YOU WARN THEM?!”; we did. But who listens, eh?)

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ED (or The Penis That Destroyed Ventura)
Humor
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