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We had a lighting director/operator who studied Kung Fu and would "teach" Ed during the odd, free moments at the theatre though I gathered it was more to have a live body to rain down half-speed blows and kicks upon. A standard staple of the Chop-Socky film genre is the tenet of learning through pain, and Ed learned a lot and quickly. As with anything practiced, Ed eventually learned how to duck and dodge as well as to strike and kick back effectively and eventually was good enough to be hired on as a bouncer downtown at the Ventura Theatre, which was an old vaudeville house converted to an over-21 dance club. Ed looked like a pushover when compared to the Samoan bouncers who were also on staff; but it was Ed who more often than not ended up being suspended or arrested for being too enthusiastic about his "bouncerly" duties. I can say Ed succeeded in reaching his first goal; he was living the real life version of "ROAD HOUSE".

Ed’s second goal in life was to add the names of as many women as possible to his little black book, a toting up of his conquests, a record of his trophy hunts. I perused said tome a few times; page after page, not listing telephone or contact information as one might think, but filled with names, statistics, details not normally talked about in polite company, along with the Ed rating based on a scale of 1 to 10.

Just for your edification, let me first describe Ed’s happy hunting grounds; said community theatre which was about thirty-minutes north of Los Angeles and the actor’s mecca of Hollywood. Now, just to remind you, there are more actors (and actresses) than there are available acting roles or jobs. To have a role in a show, even a non-paying gig, within driving range of Hollywood meant being able to invite talent and casting agents to see your talents and hopefully break into the stellar ranks of the worshipped and renumerated.

ED (or The Penis That Destroyed Ventura)